


Keep Calm and Farm On

by larascasse



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Angst, Fluff, Horse Racing, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Masturbation, Seb-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2016-12-09
Packaged: 2018-01-09 08:55:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1144018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larascasse/pseuds/larascasse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark Webber owns a farm, though with everyone around, sometimes it feels more like a zoo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Another Stray

“Simba, Shadow, heel.” Just like that, the two growling dogs that were threatening to tear his legs off stand down, tails wagging as they obey and go to their master, walking with him as he approaches.

“Sorry about the dogs, they’re trained to keep an eye on the livestock, guess they saw you as a threat. Not sure why though,” the man says, eyeing him up and down. Sebastian isn’t sure how to take the comment, so he just introduces himself instead, clearing his throat before he speaks.

“I’m Sebastian. Sebastian Vettel. I think we spoke on the phone, I’m here for work. You’re Mark, right?”

Mark’s brow creases, eyebrows furrowed. “Yeah. Didn’t think you were arriving til next week though. Is that all you got?” Mark asks, pointing at the backpack on his shoulder and the suitcase on the ground.

Seb adjusts the backpack then grabs the handle of his suitcase. “I’ve got three more in front,” he says. He didn’t have enough hands to drag them all with him while he was looking for Mark.

“Three more. Well I hope at least one of them has some decent clothes in it. Come on, I’ll show you to your room,” Mark says before he sends the dogs off and leads the way back to the front of the house. It’s a beautiful house, with strong stone walls, large windows and a few chimneys. The flower beds are filled with plants and flowers he doesn’t recognize and the cat that was bathing in the sun is now rubbing against his leg, clearly intent on making him trip on his way up the entrance stairs.

“Shoes off when you come in,” Mark says as he kicks off his muddy boots. “There’s a mud room at the back entrance, so I’d normally use that.” Seb follows Mark up the stairs and to the second floor.

“This is your room,” Mark says, opening the door and letting Seb go in first. “The bathroom is across the hallway. We don’t have TV, but there’s internet. Sometimes. There are extra blankets in the closet, and uh, I think that’s it. I’ll let you settle in, I’ve got to get back out there. Feel free to look around, and come out when you’ve changed and want a tour of the farm. Questions?”

Seb shakes his head. “No. Not yet.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later then,” Mark says and gives him a curt nod. Seb sits on the bed, bouncing up and down to test the mattress, and it seems good. The bed is huge, queen size, much bigger than the twin-size bed he has at home. The room is big too, with a glass door that opens to a small balcony facing the garden, the barn and the orchard. He leans on the railing, taking a moment to soak in his surroundings, and smiles to himself. He had been so nervous about leaving Germany for the summer, but that was all gone now. Mark was definitely rough around the edges, but he still seemed nice, or polite at least.

He watches as Mark appears in the spot they had met and walks on towards the barn just as a tall blond leaves the barn. A few words are exchanged and both go back inside, at which point Seb loses interest and resumes scanning the vast property. He can see two other men at the moment, one tending the garden and another further away. He wonders if they live here too, like he does now.

“Who let the bloody cat in again? It’s called a barn cat for a reason.” The distinctly British voice resonates upstairs and Seb gets back inside his room, suddenly remembering the cat, the open door and his suitcases. He speeds down the hallway and down the stairs to go apologize and get his things, but slips on the second last step and lands on his arse, right in front of the British man holding the affectionate cat from earlier.

“Hi?” the man greets with a confused look.

“Hi! I’m Seb,” he answers, holding out a hand while he nurses his sore behind with the other. “Sorry about the cat.”

“Looks like we have another stray,” the man whispers to the cat as he puts it outside before closing the door.

“The cat?” Seb asks.

“Kiska? No, she’s been here forever.”


	2. Broken Horse

“I’m Jenson. Those suitcases yours?” he asks the new arrival.

“Yes, I was just about to bring them upstairs.”

Jenson looks him over. He looks alright, in better shape than most other college kids they had. This one should be able to do some decent work. “I’ll give you a hand, come on,” he says and they grab the suitcases and bring them up to Seb’s room.

“Have you ever worked on a farm before?” he asks. Mark did the hiring, and though he vaguely remembers him mentioning a German kid, he can’t recall the details of it.

“No, but I don’t mind labour. I thought a farm would be a good place to learn strong work ethics.”

Jenson smiles at him, what a go-getter. It’s endearing. Naïve, but endearing, and he wonders how long it’ll be until Seb decides this is too hard and hops on the next plane back to Germany. He thinks about starting a betting pool with the guys, but decides against it. He always loses anyways. Who would have thought that other German from last year would only last a week. Nico, what a princess that one was.

“How about I give you a tour?” Jenson offers. Might as well get him started now.

“Sure. Mark already said he’d give me a tour though,” Seb says, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, probably worried about offending the boss.

“Mark is busy with Heikki right now, he won’t mind. We can saddle up and I’ll show you around,” Jenson says, eager to get some fresh air after having spent a good part of the day standing behind the stand at the Market.

“Saddle up?” Seb asks, his eyebrows raised, and Jenson realises he’s not familiar with the expression.

“Horseback?” he tries, hoping that’ll make sense.

“Oh.” Seb nibbles on his lower lip.

“You’ve never been on a horse before, have you?”

Seb shakes his head.

“Well, today’s as good a time as any to start,” Jenson says, trying to sound positive and reassuring. “I’ve got a pair of boots that might fit you.”

 

“This is Kate,” Jenson says as he brings the Cleveland Bay out of the larger barn, her black legs slowly following his feet. She’s one of the oldest horses they have and the most docile, perfect for a rookie.

“She’s tall,” is Seb’s first reaction, and Jenson can’t disagree with that. The breed as a whole is on the taller side.

Jenson manages to get Seb on Kate’s back without too much trouble, though Kate gives him a “who the hell is this” look that he suppresses with a turnip he remembered to bring. Once he’s sure that Seb won’t tumble over, he climbs on Kate’s Dirty Little Sister. She’s much younger than Kate, and quite the handful, but for Jenson, that’s part of the fun. He gives a nudge to Little Sister with his heel to get her on the way, planning to go through the orchard on the way to the fields.

He’s already gone ahead a few yards when he hears Seb’s frustrated voice. “Come on Kate. Come on girl. Forward. Giddy up. Go. Come on you stupid horse.”

Jenson suppresses a laugh before turning Little Sister around and rejoining Seb.

“You gave me a broken horse,” Seb says, gesturing at the immobile Kate.

“There’s no such thing Seb. Kate isn’t broken, and she’s not normally that stubborn,” Jenson says, pulling his horse parallel to Kate so he can help Seb out. “You just have to show her that you’re the one in control, that you know what you’re doing and that she’ll be safe by letting you guide her.”

“Except, unless you forgot, I have no idea what I’m doing!”

“Just follow my lead,” he says, demonstrating some basic commands to Seb, then waiting for him to mimic, and sure enough, Kate begins to respond to his touch, allowing him to control her. Jenson smiles when he sees how happy Seb is, bending forward to pet Kate’s neck, even pressing a kiss to her.

“You’re fixed!” he tells Kate, laughing. “You and I, we’re going to make a great team.”

And Jenson has to admit that they do. He takes Seb for a ride around the whole property, showing him the important fields, the paths, and the lake. By the time they get back, Seb doesn’t want to leave Kate, but Jenson knows Seb will be sore enough as it is in the morning, and he doesn’t want him to be completely useless tomorrow.

Jenson sends Seb back to the house while he unsaddles and brushes down the horses. “How’s the kid?” Mark says, sneaking behind him and pulling him into a hug. Jenson turns in for a kiss, happy to have a few moments alone together.

“I think we might make a farmer out of him. He’s got drive. How’s Abbey?” he asks, turning fully around so he can look at Mark. He looks tired, and it worries him that the bags under his eyes are becoming a permanent fixture on his face.

“Heikki said she’s doing good. He gave us a baby monitor to keep around the house and her stall, so we know when she’s giving birth, but it shouldn’t be for another two weeks.”

“Let’s go in and eat, still have to introduce Seb to the other two.”

“Where are they anyways? I haven’t seen them for a few hours.”

“My guess? The hay pile,” Jenson whispers, pushing Mark against the wall and kissing him, letting his tongue tease at Mark’s lips.

“I thought the hay pile was ours,” Mark says, rocking his hips into Jenson.

“You can remind them at dinner,” Jenson teases, reluctantly pushing away from Mark and grabbing him by the belt to lead him out of the barn.


	3. You're A Farmer Now

When Seb goes to bed that night, sleep doesn’t come to him. He tosses and turns, but no matter what he tries, he can’t sleep. He pulls out his phone and types up a text. Short, but far from simple.

_I miss you._

He doesn’t press send, not that it matters, since the one bar of signal he had a moment ago is gone again. And even if he had sent it, it’s not like he’s expecting a reply. 

***  
 _  
\- I’m leaving for the summer._

_\- Fine._

_\- That’s all you have to say? Fine?_

_\- You’ll go no matter what I say._

_\- You could still say something._

_\- What’s the point?  
_  
***

What’s the point, he thinks, putting the phone away. He gets up and closes the window, shutting out the surprisingly loud noises of nature, but even then, he can’t sleep. He’s always needed time to adjust to a new bed.

He thinks about his day, trying to recall everything and everyone. The only one he truly spent time alone with is Jenson. Jenson, a gentleman wrapped up as a jester, the kind of man who’d dare you to jump off a cliff for fun, but who’d jump right after you so you wouldn’t be alone. Jenson, whose expression can go from laughter to smolder faster than he can blink. From what he learned at dinner, he knows there’s something between Jenson and Mark, though he’s still not entirely sure what exactly it is.

Mark: the reserved and focused one, his boss. The kind of man you jump off a cliff for, without them asking, just because you want to impress, knowing full well they’ll just think the cliff wasn’t high enough. That’s how he feels about Mark. He doesn’t know why, but he wants to impress him, wants to show him that he made the right choice hiring him.

He had met the other two as well, Felipe and Rob. Felipe had started out like him, just looking for work over the summer, a brief escape from whatever South American country he was from, except Felipe stayed. Seb thinks that probably had a lot to do with Rob, who spent what felt like an hour talking about tomatoes while Felipe looked at him adoringly. As far as sappy couples go, Seb thinks this is probably one of the worst he’s seen.

He had asked about the tall blond too, Heikki. Unlike the rest of them, Heikki doesn’t live on the property. He’s got his own house in the nearest village, where his clinic his. Mark says he’s the best vet around, but in a place this isolated, Seb wonders if he’s the _only_ vet around.

He thinks about Kate too, about her stubbornness and the way he moved in sync with her once they got acquainted. He could sense the fire she once had in her, could feel her pull against the reins, like she was trying to get away from the boring trail, ready to explore. He hopes they’ll let him take her out for a ride again.

He feels like he just closed his eyes when he’s awakened and his first reaction is to reach for his phone, trying to turn off the annoying sound, only to realise it’s a crowing rooster, and it has no off button. He rubs his eyes open, but when he goes to the balcony, it’s still dark outside, the sky only barely brighter in the east. He’s ready to slump back into bed, but there’s a knock on his door.

“Breakfast is ready,” Jenson calls from the other side. “I heard footsteps, I know you’re up. Hurry up before it’s cold.”

“It’s dark outside,” Seb whines from his room.

The door opens up, letting in light that hurts his eyes and makes him squint.

“You’re a farmer now, remember?”


	4. Weeds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the chapters are so short. It's all I can manage to write in one day lately... I'll start digging deeper into the characters/relationships soon.

Mark always does this to him, send him the new arrivals on their first day of work, thinking the garden is the easy place to start. Mark couldn’t grow a garden like his though, of that Rob is sure, but he bites his tongue and drags Seb to the garden as soon as they finish breakfast.

As they walk through, Rob rattles off everything that’s planted so Seb has an idea of what’s in there. He could do this with his eyes closed. There’s a map inside his head, as clear as if he had a paper copy in front of him, and he can remember where he placed every seed, from the tiniest oregano seed to the larger sunflower seeds. The path he takes through the garden is calculated, each foot landing exactly where it should, because under what looks to be bare soil, some seeds are germinating, fighting their way towards the sun, and he wants them to succeed.

“I can see why you need help,” Seb says, stopping him somewhere between beets and carrots.

Rob turns around and looks at the area of the garden Seb is focused on. “What do you mean?”

Seb gestures vaguely around him. “There are weeds growing everywhere.”

Rob raises his eyebrows. Weeds? The two of them are obviously not looking at the same garden. He covers his face with his hand and shakes his head before dragging his hand away. “Weeds? Please point them out.”

Seb looks at him like he’s grown a second head then points at a small plant with finely divided and delicate leaves.

“Dill,” Rob says. How can he not know dill?

“What about this one?” Seb says, looking hopeful that he found something that doesn’t belong.

“Cilantro,” Rob answers, realising that he’ll have to start from scratch with Sebastian. At least he won’t have any bad habits to break.

“Sit,” he tells him sternly, but Seb looks at him like he’s speaking Italian. “Sit, on the ground,” he repeats. “Wait here.”

He goes through the garden picking the tender leaves from a number of plants, careful to clip the stems just above a new pair of leaves, so they’ll branch out nicely. Once he has a good sample, he returns to Seb.

“Smell, then eat,” he says as he hands out the first leaves to Seb. 

Seb sniffs them suspiciously. “What is it?”

“Sage,” Rob says, chewing on some himself. He spends a good half hour feeding Sebastian, only getting up when Mark drops by and motions him aside.

“Trying to turn him into a cow?” Mark asks, looking at Seb who is putting another set of leaves to his nose before eating it. He has to admit it’s rather amusing seeing it from Mark’s point of view.

“The kid doesn’t know a thing about gardening.”

“Neither did Felipe,” Mark reminds him, “and you’ve done wonders with him.”

“Sebastian is nothing like Felipe.” Felipe has this warmth, this aura about him that had drawn Rob to him the moment they met. There was no façade with Felipe, he was open and genuine, the kindest man Rob knew, but maybe he’s biased. After all, Seb seems like a decent guy, but regardless, he’s definitely nothing like Felipe.

“No,” Mark agrees. “He’s not. But look at him, he’ll spend hours chewing grass if you tell him it’ll make him a better gardener.”

“It will,” Rob says defensively, “you should try it too.”

Mark laughs, slapping him on the shoulder. “Not a chance mate. You’re the master gardener, I trust you.”

Then Mark leaves, careful to step the same way he came from. At least I taught him that, Rob thinks, going back to Seb before he eats too many herbs and makes himself sick.


	5. The Vet

He finally has some time alone. Rob has been drilling him about gardening all day, and he probably ingested enough herbs to fill his vitamin and nutrient intake for a whole year. He wants to learn though, wants to be able to leave here four months from now and be as good, no – better – than all of them combined. It’s not like he wants to do this for a living, but he’s never been one to do things half-hearted. It’s all or nothing. Just like he had done with _him_. Given it all, though somehow he ended up with nothing.

 _How’s your summer?_ He erases the text instantly. _I have a horse_. Sort of, he thinks, when he looks up at Kate who is grazing a few feet away from him. He erases that one too and sighs, grabbing what he thinks is a sprig of rosemary, but spits it out right away.

“Stupid lavender,” he mutters to himself in German.

 _Hey_. He looks at the short word on his phone and the weak signal coming and going and he hits send.

***  
 _  
\- Will you wait for me?_

_\- …_

_\- Kimi, will you still be there when I come back?_

_\- Maybe, don’t know._

_\- Don’t leave me._

_\- You are leaving, not me.  
_  
***

Seb picks up some dill and absentmindedly snacks on it, lying down on the fresh grass and trying to visualize the garden in his head, failing to notice the odd taste in his mouth. Most of the garden still looks bare, the majority of plants still in their early stages, and if he’s honest, half of them all look the same. He concentrates harder, retracing his footsteps in his mind, naming the herbs and vegetables out loud between mouthfuls of dill, on which some other plant must have rubbed off, because the taste is strange on his tongue.

He sits up when his stomach starts acting up and finds himself gagging. He doesn’t remember ingesting that large a quantity, and surely Rob would have warned him against exceeding a certain amount. He tries to get up, to make his way back to the house, but his stomach has other ideas, and he stays on all fours and starts vomiting.

“Seb! Seb, are you okay?” Mark kneels next to him, a hand on his back. Seb wipes his mouth with his arm and shakes his head just before he pukes again.

“What did you eat?” Mark asks him.

“Just herbs,” Seb says, nodding to the pile next to him. He was just trying to learn, to memorize them all like Rob has. He keeps vomiting, and starts to wonder how much more there can be left in him. His stomach can’t be that big. He hears Mark make a phone call, or maybe it’s two, he’s not quite sure.

“Can you walk?” Mark asks, and he nods. He should be able to keep his insides inside for a few minutes. Hopefully.

When they approach the house, Jenson runs out to meet them and suddenly he’s got another arm wrapped around him, and all he can think about is trying not to vomit on either of them. Rob is there too, and Mark shoves the handful of herbs into his hand. “He was eating this,” Mark says.

Rob quickly looks through it. “Which one?”

“I don’t know, figure it out Rob.”

They make it to the living room when he needs to puke again, but thankfully Felipe puts a bucket in front of him just in time. “Dill,” Seb coughs in between waves of nausea.

Rob finds some and rubs it between his fingers then smells it. He shakes his head. “Not dill. Sebastian, where did you pick this?”

“By the house,” he answers, not understanding why it matters.

“It’s delphinium,” Rob says and pinches his nose. “I should have warned him about it. Fuck.”

“Where is he?” a voice asks from the front entrance, one he doesn’t recognise.

“Here, Heikki, thank you. Delphinium poisoning.”

The blond man kneels in front of him and tilts his head up with his index, examining his face. “How much have you eaten?”

“You’re a vet,” Seb says. How is a vet supposed to help him?

“Yes. How much did you eat?” Heikki asks again.

“I don’t know, not that much, I don’t know.”

“Okay, it’s okay.” Heikki looks in the bucket he’s clinging to. “Is this it?”

“No, he was puking his guts out in the pasture.”

“Green?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, at least it’s coming out.”

“You’re a vet. Why are you here?” Seb asks, and he knows he shouldn’t be asking, but shouldn’t there be a doctor around? He can see Heikki’s jaw tighten at his question as he looks up to Mark, and Seb immediately regrets asking.

“The doc is helping deliver the Grosjean baby, Heikki is the next best thing.”

“Cattle seem to be as fond of toxic plants as you are,” Heikki says coolly while he presses his fingers on his stomach, moving them in small skips. “Does any of that hurt?”

“No.”

“He’ll be fine,” Heikki says to Mark when he gets up. “His body got rid of most of the plant. The rest might give him indigestion for a day, but nothing serious.”

“Thank you,” Mark says, clearly relieved.

Heikki just nods and makes his way towards the exit.

“Wait!” Seb says, following after him. Heikki pauses in the entrance, arms crossed on his chest, and he looks so intimidating like that, tall and built, making him feel so small in comparison.

“I’m sorry,” he says, though he’s not sure why he’s apologizing. “Thank you, for checking up on me.”

Heikki eyes him up and down, his face unreadable. “You should be more careful.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Fuck, what is it with him and apologizing constantly. Rob should have warned him, it wasn’t his fault. “I’m Sebastian. Seb,” he says, extending a hand. Heikki considers him for a moment, lips pursed, but he eventually shakes his hand. 

“Heikki, _the vet_ ,” he says, and Seb doesn’t fail to notice the bitterness in his tone.


	6. Coyotes

“Is not your fault,” Felipe says, his fingers drawing small circles on Rob’s chest. “Was an accident.” But Rob just groans in response. He always takes things too personally, blames himself for incidents he has no control over.

“I should have warned him,” Rob says, lost in his thoughts, his eyes fixed on an overhead rafter where birds are building nests, flying back and forth with small branches and pieces of hay in their beaks.

“You can’t warn him about everything. Is impossible,” he says as he places kisses on Rob’s collarbone. “In the end, was not serious, no harm done.” He knows his words aren’t likely to soothe Rob, but it’s the only thing he knows to do. Well, maybe not the only thing…

His fingers move from Rob’s chest down to his crotch, rubbing roughly through the thick denim while he kisses his way up Rob’s neck.

“Not now,” Rob protests, probably still too busy trying to list all the things he needs to warn the new guy about. Felipe expects it; Rob has always been the level-headed one, business before pleasure. But he also knows with a bit of perseverance he can switch Rob’s priorities in his favour, even if just for a little while.

He squeezes Rob’s cock through his pants, putting pressure on it with his palm, feeling it slowly harden with every stroke. He can feel the pulse on Rob’s neck when his lips linger there, the smell of Rob’s aftershave mixing with that of the hay they’re surrounded by. It’s an odd but familiar mix; one Felipe has come to associate with home.

“You cannot put bubble wrap around him, sometimes people get hurt,” Felipe says before pressing his lips against Rob’s, and even though Rob’s mouth move against his, he knows Rob’s mind is still occupied, and he knows exactly with what when Rob’s thumb traces the scar on his forehead.

“People shouldn’t be getting hurt,” Rob says somberly. Felipe knows Rob is thinking back to his accident, to the kick Mandy had aimed straight at his head, leaving him with a permanent scar. It hadn’t been Rob’s fault at all, Felipe had surprised Mandy, walked behind her without announcing his presence, and she had startled. It had been an accident, nothing more nothing less, but Rob being Rob had blamed himself and still does, no matter how many times Felipe asks him not to. 

Felipe slides his body on top of Rob, rocking his hips against Rob’s. “You think too much,” he says before his tongue ventures in Rob’s mouth, preventing any replies from Rob other than a low groan as he finally starts responding to his advances.

Felipe pulls his shirt over his head, loving the way Rob’s eyes linger on him. His hands trace Rob’s skin as if it was the first time, slowly exploring, and when the light around them dims with the setting sun, hands are replaced by lips, tasting every exposed inch of Rob’s body. He slides lower, undoing Rob’s pants enough to pull his cock out, hard and ready. Felipe takes the full length of him in his mouth, sending waves of pleasure straight to his own groin as Rob moans and fists his hands in the blanket underneath them.

But Rob’s moans are drowned in a sudden cacophony of noises that makes both of them sit up in silence. They look at each other, frowning in the growing darkness. It’s a mix of cooing, barking and howling and there’s only one obvious reason for it.

“Coyotes?” Felipe asks.

“Yeah, I think so, must be after the chickens again,” Rob answers as he tucks himself him and puts his shirt on, Simba and Shadow’s barking and growling growing louder outside.

“I finish later, yes?” Felipe asks Rob before they step outside, giving his cock one last squeeze.

Rob grabs the shotgun that’s resting by the door and pulls him in for a rough kiss, whispering hoarsely in his ear. “I’m fucking you until dawn after we chase these coyotes away.”


	7. Abbey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taking forever to update. I'm still trying to work out exactly where I want this story to go, so don't want to get ahead of myself. :/

 

The living room is quiet, the only sounds coming from the crackling fire and book pages being turned. Seb is glad Mark is so engrossed in his book; it gives him the privacy to keep staring at his phone, at the text he got a few minutes ago but still hasn’t replied to.

 

_Miss u_

 

It’s simple and short, barely two words, and yet Seb’s gut has been in a knot ever since he read it. It’s the first message he got from Kimi since they last saw each other. There’s a warmth inside him when he reads it and thinks of Kimi, imagining him flopping down on top of him across the reclining chair, not caring about his weight making Seb’s legs go numb. _What’s the point_ , resonates the voice inside his head, cold and cutting. _Will you wait for me_. The silence suffocates him from the inside and he pulls his sleeves down to shrug off the shiver coursing through his body.

 

 _Come over. Im_ _horny_.

 

Seb looks up, blush creeping up his cheeks when he reads the new text. But Mark doesn’t notice, simply licks his thumb and turns another page before he pushes up his reading glasses. Seb feels his cock pulse. He misses Kimi so badly and would love nothing more than to see him right now. Maybe Kimi has forgiven him for leaving for the summer, maybe that’s his way of making things normal again.

 

 _Wish I could. Gonna be a long summer_. Seb sends his reply, hoping this means Kimi isn’t mad at him anymore.

 

_Why?_

 

Seb frowns at the phone. What does he mean, why?

 

 _Where r u?_ Another text comes through, and Seb has that nauseating feeling that often comes with late night texts from Kimi. He should have known.

 

 _Are you drunk?_ He quickly types, though he’s fairly certain he knows the answer.

 

_Seb where the fukc r u?_

 

Seb’s grip tightens around his phone. Of course Kimi was fucking drunk. Why else would he be writing him? Just looking for another late night fuck. Seb decides not to answer, reminding Kimi he was away would probably only make matters worse, except Kimi doesn’t stop writing him. The texts keep coming, a deluge of sentences Seb wishes he had the strength not to read.

 

_Get ur sexy ass here._

_I want you. Want your cock._

_Playing hard to get. Fuckk gou._

_Im waitng_

_Seb,fucking answwre me._

 

_Uhad ur chance. Going to Fernandos_

 

_His cock iss better anyways_

 

But strength has never been Seb’s strong point, and the phone trembles in his hand, letters blurry from tears welling up. His thumb hovers over Kimi’s name, wanting to call him and tell him to stop, tell him he’ll come home, that he’ll do anything as long as Kimi doesn’t do anything stupid like go see Fernando. Not again. He’s about to press the button when he hears the shotgun go off, making him and Mark jump up. Mark goes to the window and pulls the curtain back to look outside.

 

“What is it?” Seb asks, drying his eyes while Mark has his back to him.

 

“Probably coyotes. Looks like Rob and Felipe have it covered,” Mark answers as he lets the curtain fall back and looks at the large clock on the wall. “We should get to bed, didn’t realise it was this late.”

 

“It’s only 9 o’clock,” Seb says when he sees the time.

 

Mark smiles at him before he puts his book away and turns off his reading light. “Like I said, late,” he says as he brushes past him, pausing just a few feet further. “Are you going to be okay?” he asks with his back still to Seb.

 

The question surprises Seb, because Mark isn’t even asking him if he’s okay, doesn’t give him the chance to deny he’s not, and there’s something oddly comforting about that. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

 

“Good night then,” Mark says as heads upstairs.

 

“Good night,” Seb whispers.

 

 

Sleep doesn’t come easy to him as he twists and turns in his bed, cursing Kimi and his selfishness, but his mind eventually drifts to Mark. It soothes him the way Mark has everything under control, the way he already seems to care more than Kimi does, despite being strangers.

 

 

His second day on the job starts just as early as the first, and just as abruptly, but this time it’s Mark who’s knocking on the door and telling him breakfast is ready. That’s one nice thing around here. He hasn’t had to cook or clean, since Jenson seems to be the one in charge of it.

 

He gets a break from the garden today, which is probably a good thing since his stomach is still doing flips at the thought of seeing anything green. Mark takes him to the stables first, to check up on Abbey. She seems restless, pacing in the largest stall. Compared to Kate, she looks huge, her round belly looking like it’s about to explode. Mark lets them both in the stall, letting Abbey approach him instead of going to her. She nuzzles him, her large nose rubbing in the crook of Mark’s neck, her huge lips teasing at his shirt. It’s the first time he sees Mark truly smile, stroking her neck and her chest, sharing in a discussion he can’t hear.

 

Mark moves towards Abbey’s belly, putting a spread hand lower on her. “Come here,” he says quietly. Seb walks slowly towards Mark, tensing under Abbey’s scrutiny. “Put your hand here,” Mark says as he takes his hand and places it on Abbey. They stay still for a few seconds, Mark’s hand on top of his while he feels the warmth of Abbey against his palm. Then he feels it, a pressure against his palm, the baby shifting inside Abbey’s belly.

 

“When is she due?” he asks, putting his ear to Abbey’s belly, hearing nothing but gurgling noises.

 

“Another couple of weeks,” Mark says. “Next time Heikki’s here you can have a listen to the heartbeat if you want.”

 

Heikki. Seb isn’t sure he wants to spend more time than he has to with the vet, not with the look on Heikki’s face the last time he saw him, but his curiosity wins over, as it usually does. “That’d be nice.”

 

“Good,” Mark says and hands him over a pitchfork. “Now let’s show you how to take care of these gals.”

 


	8. Losing Horse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sooo sorry for not having updated in ages. I just got sidetracked with other fics. I know this one is short too, but hopefully the wait for the next chapter won't be nearly as long! :S

“Why don’t they wear horse shoes?” Seb asks him when he lifts Kate’s Little Sister’s first leg to clean her hoof.

 

“Because they don’t need them,” Mark says, cleaning and probing the hoof to check its health.

 

“So why do other horses wear them?”

 

“Some need them, but if the hooves are trimmed right, and their living conditions are good, most horses can do without. Here, come take a look, you’ll be doing the next one.”

 

Seb squishes by his side, concentrating on the task at hand, and Mark has to admit, the kid does seem like he wants to learn. He asks questions and practically pushes Mark to the side to get closer and try it on his own. He’s got skill too, easily mimicking what Mark has just shown him. It’s refreshing, the enthusiasm Seb brings. He makes even a mundane task like brushing down a horse seem like a treat.

 

There was a time Mark felt the same, when he first started out, but that pleasure, that dream of his, got slowly buried under piles of stress and paperwork and he’s not even sure how long he’ll be able to keep this up.

 

“Like this?” Seb asks with one long brush stroke along the length of the horse’s leg.

 

Seb’s smile is contagious, and for just a little while, Mark forgets the bills to pay and chores to do. “Almost, here, make sure to get this spot too,” Mark says as he places his hand on Seb’s and guides the brush around.

 

There’s a quick blush on Seb’s cheeks that Mark dismisses, but he strengthens his hold on Seb’s hand, for better control of the brush, or so he tells himself.

 

 

“Is not here Rob, I checked,” Felipe says as he strides in the stable, followed closely by Rob.

 

“Did you check the high shelf?” Rob says, acknowledging Mark’s presence with a nod.

 

“Ha ha. Funny man,” Felipe replies dryly, but still grabs the step ladder and takes a look on the higher shelves.

 

“What are you looking for?” Mark asks as he lets Seb continue to brush down the horse.

 

“Liz’s racing saddle, have you seen it?”

 

“Check the workshop, I think Jense was checking over the bindings.”

 

“Makes sense, I told him they looked a bit loose after the last race,” Rob says and heads towards the shop.

 

“See, am not blind,” Felipe says and pokes Rob as he follows after him.

 

When Rob and Felipe have left, Mark turns back to Seb, who is staring at him and chewing on his bottom lip.

 

“What’s up mate?”

 

“What race?” Seb asks timidly.

 

Mark circles Kate’s Little Sister to give her one last look over, then gives her a treat for being patient with them. “There’s a horse track not too far from here. Rob and Felipe take Liz racing for fun once in a while. Sounds like they’ve got a race today.”

 

The race track. Mark loves the race track. Not that anyone could tell as it’s been months since he’s been there. He used to go every Wednesdays and Saturdays and spend the afternoons there watching the races. It’s where he met Jenson for the first time; two grown men yelling at horses going around in circles.

 

“Your horse is going to lose,” Jenson had taunted him.

 

“I know,” he had answered before cheering even louder.

 

“So why are you cheering for a losing horse?” Jenson had asked.

 

Mark had leaned against the white wooden railing, grinning foolishly at the horse coming to a slow trot while Felipe waved at him from the saddle. “Because she’s mine.”

 

Jenson had smiled at him widely, because there was no arguing with that, and that afternoon had been the first of many they’d share at the racetrack, teasing and bantering, and eventually holding hands and kissing.

 

Jenson still goes, even without him, and sometimes, when Mark emerges from the fields or the accounting books, when he has time to assess what he’s missing, he curses at himself. He knows, day by day, he risks losing Jenson. But when the alternative is losing the farm, there’s no easy choice.

 

Mark sighs and leads Kate’s Little Sister to the outside enclosure so she can graze. Sebastian follows in silence, but Mark sees his gaze wander over to Rob and Felipe. The duo is finishing loading Liz into the trailer.

 

“Why don’t you go find Jenson,” Mark suggests. “He usually goes to watch them race.”

 

Seb looks up at him, a mixed expression of delight and confusion. “You’re not going?”

 

Mark shoves his hands in his pockets, avoiding Seb’s eyes. “Nah, I’ve got things to do. Just make sure you take care of the other horses when you get back. I’m not paying you for nothing,” Mark says, trying to assert some sort of authority, even if he couldn’t care less at the moment.

 

“Thanks Mark!” Seb says and hugs him playfully before dashing towards the house to find Jenson, and Mark is left alone with a knot in his stomach and the smell of Seb’s cologne lingering around him.

 


	9. At the Racetrack

 

The smell of turned earth and fresh hay hangs heavy in the air. Bells are going off not far from where they are, accompanied by waves of shouting, cheering and booing. Luscious Liz jerks to the side at the sounds, stepping sideways and against Rob, but Rob is prepared and gently caresses her shoulder as he pushes her onwards.

 

“Stay calm gorgeous, stay calm.”

 

They get her inside her temporary enclosure then step outside to let her adjust.

 

“So what now?” Seb asks as he looks at the numerous stalls around him.

 

“We race in one hour,” Felipe says.

 

“Come on, let's leave them to it,” Jenson says, putting an arm around his shoulders and leading him away before he even has a chance to say anything. “We’ve got bets to place.”

 

Seb lets Jenson lead him away from the horses and through the small crowd gathered at the betting stands. Screens above the counters list the races for the day, as well as the odds for the horses.

 

“Are we betting on Luscious Liz for the win?” Seb asks, eyes still scouring the displays.

 

Jenson drags him by the sleeve to move up the line. “No, the guys are just here for fun, Liz usually finishes around fourth or fifth.”

 

They place their bets and make their way to the stands, stopping whenever Jenson meets someone he knows, meaning every few steps. Seb can’t help but notice the aura around Jenson, a sort of charisma that seems to draw people to him, like he’s everyone’s best friend. Jenson introduces him to all of them, but Seb can barely remember their faces by the end of it, let alone their names, though they all seem quite nice. He’s still thankful when they reach their seats, away from friends and acquaintances, so he can finally sit down and take in his surroundings.

 

The atmosphere should feel foreign to him, but Seb feels strangely at home here. He looks at the crowd around him, at the horses being paced just outside the track, at the score board being updated for the next race. He can feel the mounting tension around him, the enthusiasm as the first horses are led into their stalls. He feels like the universe itself is holding its breath, the only sounds coming from the horses, anxious to go racing. Even Jenson is up from his seat, eyes fixed on Felipe and Liz, fist to his mouth to stop himself from yelling.

 

When the bell finally rings and the horses are let loose, the crowd erupts in cheers around Seb. He doesn’t even know which horse is the one he’s betting on, so he cheers for Liz instead. It’s only half-hearted though, because the only thought going through his head is him on a horse, becoming one with it, galloping through the pack, gaining with every stride until they’re lengths ahead, covering all the others with their dust.

 

It’s all he can think about for the next two days. He thinks about it whenever he’s brushing down the horses or cleaning their stalls. He thinks about it when he’s helping Rob prune the tomato plants. He even thinks about it when he’s eating supper, making an oval racetrack out of his mashed potatoes.

 

“I want to enter a horse race,” Seb eventually tells Mark one evening, hands in his pockets.

 

Mark looks up from the stash of papers in front of him, his reading glasses halfway down his nose. “I don’t think so.”

 

“Why not?”

 

Mark sighs and takes his glasses off, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “For one, you don’t have a horse.”

 

Seb shifts on his feet. “You have horses. I could take Kate…”

 

“She’s not a race horse.”

 

“I can make her one.”

 

“You’ve never raced before.”

 

“I’ll learn.”

 

“It costs money to enter.”

 

“You can take it off my pay,” Seb says, not knowing what else to say to make Mark see just how much he wants this. “Please…”

 

Mark sits back in his chair, rolling back far enough so he can put his feet up on the desk, tapping a pencil against his leg.

 

“I’m not paying you for the hours you’re training or racing.”

 

Seb’s eyes light up with excitement. “You mean…I can race?”

 

Mark allows himself a smile, “Yes, but –“

 

“Thank you Mark, you won’t regret it,”

 

“Seb -”

 

“Felipe and Liz are going to eat our dust,”

 

“Seb -”

 

“That podium is ours Kate,”

 

“Sebastian!” Mark calls out loud enough to snap Seb out of his monologue and make him fall silent. “You can race, _if_ Heikki gives the okay on the medical and _if_ you follow his instructions on caring for her. She’s not young.”

 

Seb punches the air in victory. “Yes! Yes! Yes! I’ll take care of her, I promise,” he shouts, skipping his way out of Mark’s study.

 

 

When he lies in bed that night, Seb itches to tell someone about it, even if that someone might not answer. They haven’t texted since Kimi’s drunken night.

 

_I’m gonna race a horse. Not as cool as your rally races, but it’s the big thing around here._

 

Seb is surprised when the answer arrives seconds later.

 

_U gonna win?_

 

He smiles to himself. Of course it’d be the first thing Kimi would ask. No apologies for last time, just pretending like nothing happened and carrying on. Sometimes it’s easier that way.

 

_It’s a long shot, but I’ll do my best._

 

Seb presses the send button but gets the _undelivered_ message, the cellphone signal gone again. He stares at the phone and waves it around in the air, trying to get the signal back, but nothing helps. He considers calling from the landline, but Mark would probably fire him on the spot once the phone bill came in so he turns his phone off and forces himself to sleep.

 

His dreams are a jumble of flashes, of horses and races, of Felipe acknowledging him as they ride side by side, of Mark handing him a trophy and Jenson patting him on the back. Kimi is there too but further away, cold and distant, staring at Heikki from behind his sunglasses. Seb tries to run towards them but he can’t close the distance. His feet refuse to move and he ends up alone in a field he doesn’t recognise.

 

When he wakes up from the rooster call, his dreams are long forgotten. He’s out of bed in a hurry to get started on his chores, grabbing one of Jenson’s muffins on his way out the door before Jenson or Mark tries to convince him to have a proper breakfast.

 

The door is already closing behind him when Mark picks up the phone and calls Heikki.

 


	10. Don't Judge

 

The sun is still low on the horizon when Heikki arrives at the Webber farm. He can see the tractor moving in one of the fields, Mark most likely. Kiska walks with him, rubbing against his leg, and he has to be careful not to trip over her. Not that it’d be the first time he kissed the ground because of her. He likes this farm though. He visits all the ones in the area of course, but here he’s always treated like family. They’re a bunch of misfits from all over the world, but so is he. Finland, home, or what used to be home, is a long way from here.

He shoos Kiska away and goes in the stables, surprised by the soft sound of music. He pauses in the entrance and leans against the wall, watching the young German at work. Sebastian is brushing Kate and talking to her in his mother tongue. Heikki can relate; it’s easier to open your soul to an animal. They don’t judge like humans do, only listen and offer the comfort of their presence. That’s why he became a vet and not a doctor. He had wanted to be a doctor, once, and even aced the entrance exam. The interview had been a completely different story. He apparently has less than adequate social skills. Something about lacking sympathy and seeming cold, or some bullshit like that. He’s not bitter anymore though. He’d much rather work with animals. They don’t curse at him or hold grudges. Well most of them anyhow. He’s still fairly certain that the old bull at the Horner farm has been plotting to kill him since the day he castrated it.

He considers announcing his arrival but he doesn’t want to intrude on Sebastian’s private moment. There’s something about the guy that keeps him quiet, rooted in place. It’s a different man than the one he met previously. There are no witty comments or snarky remarks to grit him the wrong way, and it’s unfortunate, Heikki thinks, that Sebastian feels the need to hide behind them, because what he’s seeing now is much more appealing.

“Hey,” Heikki finally says to announce himself. Sebastian turns around to face him and a look of uncertainty flashes across his face before he answers back with a quick hello.

“Am I in the way?” Sebastian asks as he looks around the narrow pathway taken up by Kate and him. “I can move.”

“No, Mark asked me to take a look at Kate, see if she’s fit to race. She’s good there for now.”

Seb punches the air happily and Heikki chuckles at it. Mark had told him that Seb wanted to race, but now he can see just how much he wants it. He walks around Kate, checking her coat, looking for any sores, making sure her nose or eyes aren’t runny. He takes her out to the round pen and makes her run a few laps. He checks for sweating, for foaming or drooling, and for anything else that could indicate that she isn’t fit to race. Seb watches impatiently from his seat on the fence, asking questions non-stop.

“She’s not the youngest, but she’s still fit. Her lungs still sound good, but her leg muscles aren’t that strong, so you’ll have to work her up to a race. She could get injured otherwise.”

Seb jumps down the fence. “So I can race her?”

“After you train her, yes, you can race her. I’ll let Mark know,” Heikki says and lets Kate out in the pasture.

He freezes in place when Seb wraps his arms around him and hugs him. “Thank you Heikki.”

Heikki pats Seb’s back awkwardly, not knowing what else to do, and waits for the man to step away from him. “You’re welcome. Just take care of her.”

“I will. I promise!” Seb says with the hugest grin on his face. His enthusiasm is contagious and Heikki smiles back.

“Mark asked me to check on Abbey as well. Join me?” He asks as they walk back. Yes, Mark had mentioned Seb’s interest in learning more about horses, but Heikki would be lying to himself if he said that’s why he asked Seb. He enjoys spending time with Seb when he’s like this, eager and passionate, intense. Heikki shakes his head and speeds up his walk before his thoughts drift to a place they shouldn’t.

He does a visual check of the pregnant mare, talking through what he’s looking for while Seb hangs on his every word, watching him with his big blue eyes.

“Here, put this on,” Heikki says as he hands earpieces of the stethoscope to Seb, their hands touching ever so briefly, and places the end of it against Abbey’s belly. “Can you hear her heart?” he asks and Seb nods. Heikki then moves the piece a few inches away. “Now you should hear the foal’s.”

Seb grins and closes his eyes as he listens. “I hear it. Is it supposed to be this fast?” he asks, opening his eyes and looking at him with wonder.

“Yes, as healthy as can be.”

“If it’s healthy, why do you want to be here when she gives birth?” Seb says, nodding towards the baby monitor perched on the nearby shelf.

Heikki packs his stuff away, memories from two springs ago coming to mind. “Because sometimes there are complications. Sometimes foals die.”

“You must not be a very good vet then.” It’s said so matter-of-factly that it takes a moment for the words to sink in. But when they do, all the good that Heikki was starting to see in Seb washes away.

“Get out.”

Seb looks confused. “Why?”

Heikki bites down on his teeth then takes a deep breath. “Get out Sebastian. Get out or I will kick you out.”

“But I –“

“OUT,” He enunciates as clearly and slowly as he can, and Seb finally gets the message and leaves, shoulders slumped and head down, kicking hay with the tip of his shoes on the way out.

Heikki stops himself short of punching the wooden wall and wraps his hands firmly around the metal bars of Abbey’s stall door. He slams the door shut, startling a few birds perched overhead. He shouldn’t let it get to him. It’s not like Seb knows him or anything about him. He _is_ a good vet. Animals die. It happens. He can’t save them all.

Abbey nuzzles his neck gently from behind, as if to support his thoughts, and it makes Heikki smile. He rubs her nose and kisses it, accepting all the comfort she’s offering.

“Kiitos,” he whispers.


	11. Dearest Heikki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been forever, but by now you guys are probably used to it. ;) I haven't forgotten about this fic. I just get distracted easily. :/

 

_~~Dear Mr.~~ _ What the hell is Heikki’s last name?

_~~Dearest Heikki,~~_ Too formal?

_~~Dear Heikki,~~_ Do people even use _dear_ anymore? Ugh.

He’s been trying to write this letter for a couple of days now, knowing that he has to do something to make it right. Heikki hasn’t been by the farm since he saw him last…since he got kicked out of the stables. He knows he fucked up. They were just starting to get along and he fucked it up. It’s hard enough being away from home without his stupid mouth pushing people away. It’s not on purpose, sometimes his mouth just works faster than his brain. He didn’t mean to insult Heikki… But he just can’t understand the use of a vet being there if the foal is going to die anyways. Isn’t it what they’re there for? To save the baby if anything goes wrong? Seb takes a deep breath and puts pencil to paper again.

~~Hi.~~ Too informal?

He taps the eraser tip against his bottom lip, looking for words that won’t come, words that may not even be welcome. He doesn’t really know why he cares. He tried not to care, but it’s keeping him up at night, the way Heikki’s eyes had turn to steel, cold and hard, while moments before they had been so inviting. He writes again, the soft scratch of lead on paper the only thing he hears even with the hustle around him.

_Heikki,_ Yes, that’s a good start. He smiles to himself.

 

“Hey!” Seb says, frowning at Jenson when a crumpled paper ball hits him in the head. “What was that for?”

“A little help here?” Jenson asks as he reaches in a box and hands him jars to display on their stand table. “What are you doing anyways?”

“Writing a letter,” Seb says as he moves to help Jenson with the rest of the jars just as the first customers trickle into the Market. “Well, _trying_ to write a letter,” he clarifies with a heavy sigh.

“I can see that. Where do you think you are? The 19th century? We have phones you know. Smart ones even,” Jenson teases, taking his phone out in demonstration. “See. High tech. Touchscreen.”

Seb rolls his eyes. “I’m writing Heikki. I think,” _I know_. “I made him mad.”

Jenson sits on the table and starts unfolding one of the pages. “What did you do?”

Seb snatches the unfinished letter from Jenson’s hands. “None of your business.”

“Fine. But you could just text him, or God forbid call him. Here,” Jenson says and hands Seb his phone. “That’s his number, in case you want to join us in the Age of Technology.”

Seb scribbles down the number and mumbles his thanks, gathering all the paper balls that had accumulated around him.

_Sorry I was an ass. – Seb_

It’s short and to the point, and Seb hopes that it’ll be enough.

_Oliver might take offense to that_ , is the reply he receives only seconds later, though he doesn’t understand what Heikki means.

“Who’s Oliver?” Seb asks Jenson when he’s done with a customer.

“The donkey,” Jenson says. “Weren’t you listening when I gave you the tour?”

Seb sort of recalls petting the donkey, but he doesn’t answer, instead busying himself with an old lady looking to try Jenson’s tomato sauce. He manages to sweet talk her into buying three jars, not that it’s very hard when it’s the best sauce he’s ever tasted. Jenson’s cooking skills and Rob’s tomatoes are a combination he quickly learned to adore, the perfect balance between too acidic and too sweet, with just the right amount of spicy and a nice combination of herbs.

_Very funny :P_ , he texts back. He hopes it was meant as a joke, but he realises that there’s a good chance it isn’t. There’s actually a high chance that it’s Heikki’s way of telling him to fuck off. He waits for a text back but there’s nothing and Seb isn’t surprised. As soon as he had spoken the words, he knew he had hit a chord with Heikki and regretted it instantly. He might never be forgiven.

They start packing up just after noon, having sold out of almost everything they had brought.

“You’ve got a knack for this,” Jenson tells him.

“I’m charming,” Seb shrugs with a huge grin. “Customers love me. You should try it sometime.”

Jenson laughs then strikes a pose between the two jars he’s holding up. “I’d rather use my good looks.”

The ride back to the farm is quiet, both of them having talked to enough customers to make their voices raw. When Jenson reaches for the radio, Seb gets his phone out to see if Heikki has answered.

_Wish u were here._

Within a few seconds, Seb goes from frowning at the unexpected text, to having strange butterflies in his stomach and suppressing a grin, to feeling a familiar warmth when he realises it’s actually a text from Kimi, not Heikki. He vaguely remembers a rally race on the calendar and goes to Kimi’s Instagram where he browses through the pictures from the race, a race Kimi has just won. He wishes he was there too. He misses being there to share Kimi’s joy when he wins and even his frustration when something goes wrong (because that always means angry sex, and well, Seb would give anything for Kimi to have his way with him right now, leaving them both covered in bruises and scratches that would be kissed better the next day). He wonders if he’ll still have a place at Kimi’s side when the summer is over.

The last picture hits him like a punch to the gut. Seb recognises the pub by the large beer mug in Kimi‘s hand. They spent so many evenings there, squished together in a dark booth, making out until the staff kicked them out. On the picture though, Kimi is surrounded by his rally friends. And Fernando. Fernando with his arm shamelessly wrapped around Kimi, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Seb frowns at the picture and his heart drops. It’s not the drinking or the partying that makes his chest tighten this time. It’s how happy Kimi looks. How happy they look _together_.

 


	12. Loyal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe it's almost been a year since I last updated? I am SO SO SORRY! I've been trying to get a few chapters written before posting, and I'm still not where I want to be, but I figured maybe posting will give me a push to write more. Anyways... hope some of you are still around to read this!

Jenson had spent the car ride home watching Seb’s mood change about half a dozen times without him even speaking a word. So when they get home, Jenson lets him loose while he unpacks the truck and drops off the money to Mark.

“You think he’s doing okay?” Jenson asks, peering out of Mark’s office window, watching Seb sitting in the garden picking weeds. Yeah, Seb was definitely _not_ okay. He only picked weeds when he was in a shitty mood. Maybe ripping things from the ground was soothing to him.

“He’ll be fine, probably homesick. They all get it at some point. You did too, remember?” Mark says and puts the calculator away, getting up to stretch. “Didn’t think you were gonna stay.”

“But I did,” Jenson smiles fondly, even if the memory of it is anything but happy. He wasn’t cut out for this kind of life, being city born and raised. There had been fights and tears and begging Mark to reconsider the whole thing. They had even taken a break for him to think things over. Mark never asked him directly to leave his job or his life, but if Jenson wanted to be with Mark, the farm life was part of the deal.

“Do you regret it?” Mark asks, leaning against the wall next to him. “Living here, doing this?”

Jenson looks at the vast property outside, acres upon acres of chores to do, day in day out, year round. No such thing as a vacation or a day off. Sure, living in the city had been a lot easier. He misses the trendy bars and the cozy cafés. He misses getting to dress up in something other than boots and dirt stained clothes. Unlike Mark, the country life had never called to him. But it was non-negotiable for Mark, so here they were, running a farm, hanging by a thread and counting pennies.

“Some days,” Jenson replies honestly. “It’s never easy, is it? But I don’t regret being here _with you_. You know that, yeah?” He turns to Mark, hoping to see understanding on a face that looks aged beyond its years.

Mark turns away and goes back to his desk. “Yeah I know.”

Slowly drowning, Jenson thinks sadly as he watches the weight of the world settle on Mark’s slumped shoulders and tired eyes.

“I’ll go check on Seb,” Jenson says, because all the words of comfort he could come up with have already been spoken a thousand times before, and repeating himself won’t put money in their bank account.

By the time Jenson gets outside, Seb has moved from the garden to the pen where Felipe is exercising Liz with Rob at his side. He sits on the fence next to Seb, silently watching Felipe take Liz through her paces.

“What are they doing?” Seb eventually says, frowning like he’s trying to decipher a puzzle.

Jenson grins as he watches Felipe, Rob and Liz kick a beach ball around. It’s part of their routine: first training, then games.

“Just having some fun,” Jenson says. “Liz loves to play with the ball. It’s her reward for a good training session.”

“I’ve never seen a horse do that before.”

It was something Mark had taught them, to develop a bond with the horses. Mark used to spend a lot more time with them, training them, playing with them, getting to know each horse as individuals. He had always wanted to know not only what the horses could do, but also what they liked to do. Some loved jumps, some racing, and others weren’t meant for competition and actually preferred field work. Jenson wishes Mark would get back to this, to his dream of raising and training horses. He had such big dreams of raising the best competition horses in the country. They need to get back to that, to get out of their funk and go back to chasing their dreams, because yes, this might have started as Mark’s dream, but it was theirs now.

Jenson watches the large ball being bounced around. Liz likes to run, but she isn’t a true racer. She’s never been a competitive soul, preferring to play around. Kate on the other hand, is a racer despite her age. Even now, she’ll sometimes race against the truck when he’s driving the road that goes along the pasture.

“You should try it with Kate,” Jenson tells Seb. If Seb is serious about racing with her, they should really get to know one another.

“You think she will do it?”

“If she trusts you. You need to develop a bond with her, like Liz and Felipe. Horses will ride around the world with you if they think you’re worth it. They’re loyal.”

“I wish my boyfriend was loyal like that,” Seb says and Jenson can see his eyes watering.

Jenson takes the cue, hoping to get Seb to open up even more. “Was he the one writing you earlier?”

“Yeah,” Seb says and pulls his phone out. He shows him a picture of the guy, a Nordic blue-eyed blond who looks like a lot more trouble than is good for Seb. 

“I think he’s replacing me though,” Seb says, staring sadly at a group shot featuring the blond guy with a friendly looking Latino.

“All relationships have ups and down Seb. I’m sure you’ll work it out.”

“What about you and Mark? You guys have been together forever, no?”

Jenson nods. “Yeah, we’ve been together a while.”

Seb flicks through the pictures, pausing on a shot of him and his boyfriend. “How do you make it work?”

Jenson knows he shouldn’t be giving relationship advice. He should get Seb to talk to Rob or Felipe, but then again, these two have the kind of relationship the rest of the world dreams of having. Soulmates.

“It’s not easy,” Jenson admits, “but if you really want to be with the person, you have to work at it. Talk, compromise. Be honest.” Unfortunately, sometimes there’s a lot of compromise.

“And it’s worth it?” Seb asks.

Jenson probably takes a second too long to answer that one, not that Seb notices. “Yeah, it’s worth it,” he says and smiles. To be with Mark, he would do it all over again.

Wouldn’t he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, if anyone feels like beta-ing for this fic, let me know, I could use some help.


	13. Free

After hearing his phone’s tone for the second time, Seb dries his hands and tosses the dish rag over his shoulder. He picks up the phone to read the text from Kimi.

_U raced yet?_

Seb quickly finishes drying the rest of the dishes and heads upstairs to his room. Maybe Kimi and he can finally have a proper talk.

_Not yet. Still training. How are you?_

He gets a thumbs up in response. _We won another one_.

Kimi sends him a podium picture. He’s standing on the top step, but he’s with Fernando. What the hell is Fernando there for? Seb knows there’s only one explanation, and it’s not one he likes. To think of them this close this often, when he’s miles away, makes his heart sink.

_New navigator?_ He asks, even if he already knows. Kimi and Fernando were spending their spare time together, but now they were spending their working time together as well. Basically 24/7.

_Yeah, Fernando’s great. Gotta go. Going out for a beer. Talk later._

Seb’s heart sinks further down, so far down he might as well be stepping on it. Kimi might not have straight up said it, but he was moving on. Everything pointed to that. He wishes he could rip Fernando’s face from the picture and burn that half away, making him disappear. From the image, from Kimi’s life. His Kimi. Somehow he was going to get him back.

So, maybe he doesn’t get the satisfaction of feeling the paper rip between his fingers, but he has the next best thing: the satisfaction of cropping out Fernando from the picture. He feels instantly better when all he’s left with is a picture of a champagne-soaked Kimi, cheeks flushed and mouth full of the foamy liquid. Kimi looks so fucking good, and so fuckable. He knows the walls are thin, so he’s mostly attended to his urges in the shower, when the sound muffled the few moans he couldn’t suppress, but tonight, he needs the comfort and the release.

He slides a hand in his underwear, spreading his legs for better access. He thinks about how Kimi’s face flushes the exact same way when they have sex. His fingers trace the curves of his skin, shifting the weight of his balls between them. He slides his hand a bit further up and wraps it around himself. Kimi’s hand was always better than his, a little rougher perhaps, but he had a way with his fingers, massaging Seb’s cock while he stroked him. When Seb closes his eyes, he can almost imagine Kimi’s thumb pressing circles up his hardening cock, tugging at it now and then.

He looks at the picture again, loving how Kimi’s shut eyes and parted wet lips are just the way they look when he’s been lapping at his cock. He dabs a bit of lube in his hand and puts his phone aside, Kimi’s face still clear behind closed eyes. He arches into the mattress, head sinking into the pillow as he speeds up his strokes. He bites down on his lip to stop himself from calling out Kimi’s name, but he can’t stop the chants of it in his head, flooding his thoughts as he urges himself on. His lungs fill with a gasp of air as he comes, and the exhale that follows takes with it enough sadness and anger to let Seb drift off to sleep, nevermind the mess he’ll have to clean off in the morning.

 

Morning, as with most days, comes too early for his liking. The shower helps wake his senses, but it also wakes his mind and reminds him once more that what he was imagining last night might never happen again. Worse even, what Kimi used to do to him, he was probably doing to Fernando.

Seb stands in the shower, letting the hot water run and the steam engulf him.

Knocks on the door startle him. “We’re on well water, remember? Let the rest of us have a turn,” Jenson says.

“Get up earlier then,” Seb jests back, but he turns off the shower right away, and plows on with the rest of his day.

It’s late afternoon by the time he’s fed the animals, cleaned all the horse stalls, and spent some time helping Rob in the garden. Rob seemed to need the help more than most days. Half the time Seb had to repeat himself when he spoke because Rob was lost in thoughts. He finally gets to spend some time with Kate, getting on with the training Mark had recommended.

He’s guiding Kate back in her pen when Heikki walks up to him, vet bag slung over his shoulder.

“Heikki,” Seb starts, still feeling sorry for what he said.

Heikki shakes his head and gives him a faint smile. “Forget it. I overreacted. She looks good out there,” he says, running his hand down Kate’s mane. “She’s put on muscle. How’s her speed?” he asks.

Seb feels like he still needs to apologize, but Heikki is giving him an out, and maybe it’s best if they ignore the whole thing happened. “Speed? Fast… I guess?”

The Finn lowers his eyes to the ground and laughs. “Ask Mark. He’ll know.”

“But it’s not like we’ve been timing her. We’ve just been doing exercises.”

There’s a knowing look in Heikki’s eyes when he looks up at him. “Mark always knows,” he says before he gives Seb a brief smile and leaves.

 

Seb is having lunch when he brings it up, staring at the food on his plate instead of at Mark. “Mark…do you think you’d have time to take a look at Kate? Heikki said you can tell me how she’s doing.”

“You and Heikki talking again then?” Jenson butts in with an elbow nudge, which Seb ignores, and thankfully so does Mark.

“I’ve got a lot of work to do,” he starts and Seb’s face drops. “But I guess I can spare a few minutes. You can show me later this afternoon.”

Kate is already warmed up when Mark joins them in the pasture. He acknowledges Seb with a nod but goes straight to Kate, stopping a couple meters short. She’s the one that closes the gap, nuzzling the crook of his neck. Only then does he raise a hand to stroke her coat. “Hey there beautiful,” he says barely loud enough for Seb to hear. Seb keeps his distance, letting them have their moment, Mark whispering to her as they walk slowly side by side.

“Show me what you’ve got,” Mark eventually says, turning to him. “Trot her to the back fence then let her run back here. Don’t let her overexert though, get her to a speed you know she can sustain for that distance. I’ll be watching from the side.”

Seb mounts Kate and does as told, guiding the horse into a steady trot all the way to the furthest fence. By the time he turns Kate around, he can see Mark in the distance, straddling a fence with binoculars in hands. Seb waves to him and waits for Mark to wave back before running a hand through Kate’s mane. “Alright girl, let’s show him that you still got it.”

He presses his heels to her flanks and she takes off. Seb follows her rhythm, rising and falling on his legs as she does the same, her strides getting longer and longer. He has to hold her back about a quarter of the way in, feeling her get greedy. She shakes her head at him but listens, settling into a steady tempo. Seb listens to her breathing, to her hooves hitting the ground, her four-beat gait resonating in his ears and chest.

He slows her down when they approach the fence, turning her into a large loop and walking her to where Mark is still sitting, waiting for them.

“How did we do?” Seb asks when he’s within earshot of Mark, keen to know the verdict.

Mark waits for them to get closer before he answers. “It’s like she’s never stopped,” he says with a small smile. “You’re a natural.”

Seb sits ups straight and smiles at that.

“But,” Mark continues, “She’s not the youngest horse around. She was pushing too hard towards the end. She’s got the speed, but she shouldn’t be pushing for long distances.”

“Oh.” Seb strokes the short hair on Kate’s neck. “So no racing then?” he asks, dejected.

“How about no long races?” Mark says, pulling at the reins to get Kate closer. “There’s a sprint race in ten days. Take her.”

Seb’s eyes widen and he grins. “I won’t let you down!”

Mark scratches Kate’s jaw before looking up at Seb. “Give me a ride back?”

“For sure,” Seb says and scoots forward to let Mark sit behind him. “Let’s go home Kate,” he says, nudging her to go ahead, feeling incredibly light and happy. As they make their way back to the stable, he realizes that he’s been so worried about what he left behind back home that he was stopping himself from enjoying what he has here, now. Mark puts his arms around him, and Seb takes that as his cue, enjoying one last gallop for the day, one more little bit of freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: A little (big) bit of Rob and Felipe. And fish. And cake.


End file.
